Geo-Dome
by ContraBardus
Summary: What if Shijni Ikari was a different kind of loser?
1. Default Chapter

I've read all sorts of stories where  
Shinji becomes a badass, or isn't such a  
weenie loser somehow or another. So I  
thought about it for a while. "What if  
Shinji was a different kind of loser?"  
This is the result. Heh...  
  
Neon Genesis Evangelion: Geo Dome  
  
A CarrotGlace fic. ^_^  
  
Chapter One: Angel Attack!  
  
The Year 2015 AD...  
  
"Damn! Why did I have to lose him at  
a time like this?" Muttered Misato  
Katsuragi as she drove through the empty  
streets of Tokyo 3. She frowned as she  
looked at the photo on the folder in the  
seat next to her. The name Shinji Ikari  
was printed on the bottom, and a  
scraggly looking boy in a school uniform  
stared back at her with a sort of daze  
in his eyes. He had a mop of shaggy  
brown hair that seemed to stick up in  
every direction, and was holding his  
fingers up in a rather stupid looking  
pose.  
  
++++++++++++++  
  
Shinji looked at the phone receiver  
in his hand and snickered loudly. "Heh.  
Check this out..." He was wearing loose  
blue jeans, a Metallica T-shirt, and a  
pair of untied tennis shoes.  
  
Standing next to him was a boy of  
about the same age. He was dressed much  
the same, except his jeans were torn at  
the knees, and his shirt was a ragged  
looking black shirt with a huge Eric  
Cartman on the front. The phrase 'Hell  
yeah, I want cheesy Poofs!" was written  
across the bottom. He had long brown  
hair tied into a messy ponytail that  
hung to the middle of his back, the rest  
of it looked as uncombed as Shinji did.  
Both teens were wearing backpacks with  
various patches sewn onto them. Shinji's  
friend also had a worn looking  
skateboard held in his hand. He giggled  
and put his ear up to the phone.  
  
"We're sorry, all lines have been  
disconnected."  
  
"Man, bummer," grumbled Shinji's  
companion.  
  
"This sucks," muttered Shinji as he  
tried another number with the same  
results.  
  
The pair was looking at the address on  
the building across from them and had a  
phone book in their laps. They were  
trying to order pizza's to be delivered  
to the home.  
  
"No pies in this place? What if I get  
hungry later?" grumbled Shinji's friend.  
  
"Come on Squeal. I'm seriously  
reconsidering this place. Pop wanted to  
see me, but if I can't grub, I'm so  
gone." He sighed and hung his head.  
  
"Well, I hate to agree, but if your old  
man can't even get a decent pie  
delivered, I say we bail." Squeal  
shrugged and flipped a pair of silver  
rimmed sunglasses on his face. "Come on  
Bud."  
  
"What about the babe?" asked Shinji as  
he pulled out the photo of Misato he had  
in his pocket.  
  
Squeal blinked. "Dude! I almost forgot!"  
He slapped himself on the forehead.  
"Man, look at those things!" He peered  
at the woman's cleavage and grinned  
dumbly. Misato had kissed the photo and  
was in a leaning pose. She had drawn an  
arrow to her cleavage with the caption.  
"Check these out!" written off to the  
side.  
  
"So...we stay here then?"  
  
"Excellent," agreed Shinji.  
  
The pair's celebration was cut short  
as something similar to a sonic boom  
suddenly ripped through the air. Power  
lines wavered and doors and windows  
shook violently from the force.  
  
Squeal blinked and looked around for  
a moment while Shinji held his hears.  
  
"What was that?" asked Squeal  
calmly.  
  
The pair turned as several fighter  
aircraft with UN markings flew backwards  
into their view from behind several  
buildings. A dull thumping sound seemed  
to hit the ground as a huge creature;  
easily ten stories tall lumbered just  
after them into their line of sight.  
  
"Dude. How long ago?" asked Squeal  
as he peered at the scene.  
  
"I dunno, maybe an hour?" muttered  
Shinji.  
  
Squeal took a small bag out of his  
pocket and peered into it for a moment.  
He arched his eyebrow and looked over at  
Shinji. "Dude, this is some good shit."  
  
"Score!" agreed Shinji as he high  
fived his friend.  
  
"Should we make another one, or wait  
until it wears off?" said Squeal as he  
fumbled around his pocket.  
  
"Dude. You gotta ask?" said Shinji  
with a surprised frown.  
  
"Right!" agreed Squeal as he nodded  
and produced rolling paper from his  
pocket. Within a few seconds, he had  
skillfully rolled a joint with one hand  
and licked it sealed. He started to pat  
his pockets down and frowned. "I know I  
got..."  
  
Shinji smiled and produced a  
lighter. "Dude, I got it!"  
  
The pair grinned at each other and  
lit the joint. Passing it between one  
another as they watched the monster walk  
by. Within a few seconds, a missile  
blasted down the street just over their  
heads and they watched it calmly.  
  
"Whoa!" muttered Shinji as he leaned  
forward to look at it with his eyes  
squinted slightly.  
  
"Excellent vintage my friend, this  
was a good year," said Squeal happily as  
he sucked on the joint.  
  
Explosions rocked the sky in front  
of them, and the pair acted as if they  
were watching a fireworks display.  
Hooting and hollering cheerfully.  
  
The giant creature jumped into the  
air, landing on top of one of the planes  
as it crashed down no more than ten feet  
in front of them. There was an explosion  
and the boy's covered their faces.  
  
"Um, maybe we should go?" said  
Squeal as he looked at his friends.  
  
Shinji blinked and looked at the  
vehicle that had moved in front of them,  
blocking the shrapnel from the  
explosion. "Dude, it's the babe!"  
  
:"Huh?" muttered the boy as he  
turned his head and looked at Misato.  
  
She had the door opened and blinked  
in surprise. "Um, which one of you is  
Shinji Ikari?"  
  
Shinji raised his hand and grinned  
at her.  
  
"You'll have to come with me," she  
said.  
  
"Cool," said Squeal cheerfully.  
  
"Not you! Just him!" said Misato  
irritably.  
  
"He don't go, I don't go," replied  
Shinji with a small shrug.  
  
Misato looked out her windshield and  
cursed nervously as the thing stood  
overhead. "Fine! No time to argue!"  
  
"After you!" said Shinji cheerfully.  
  
"No! I insist!" said Squeal as he  
bowed and waved his arms.  
  
Shinji repeated the gesture. "No! I  
insist!"  
  
"Get in the goddamn car!" screamed  
Misato as she pulled Shinji in by his  
collar. Squeal hopped in beside him and  
ended up on his lap in a rather  
uncomfortable position. The pair fumbled  
about as Misato slammed the door shut  
and drove off, narrowly missing being  
stepped on by the huge monster.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?"  
snapped the woman as she glared at the  
pair. "We could have been killed!"  
  
Squeal had his knee in Shinji's  
face, and his head was on the floor. His  
face was completely red from the blood  
rushing into his head. "Cool, I can hear  
my brain when I'm like this!"  
  
"Move!" grumbled Shinji; "Your elbow  
is crushing my wang dude!"  
  
"Sorry," muttered Squeal as he  
scrambled upright. He grabbed the  
steering wheel as he righted himself and  
forced Misato to almost drive off the  
road.  
  
She screamed as they veered towards  
the edge of a nearby cliff and narrowly  
nicked the guardrail that separated them  
from the drop. Sparks flew from the  
fender as she forcibly corrected the  
turn.  
  
"Watch it you jerk!" she snapped  
angrily.  
  
The boy grinned at her and climbed  
into the back seat.  
  
"So, you must be Shinji," she  
muttered after she had taken a moment to  
control herself.  
  
"Sclortch!"  
  
"Yeah. Hi!" replied the boy  
cheerfully. There appeared to be  
something wrong with him, but she  
couldn't put her finger on it.  
  
"Sclortch!"  
  
"Who the hell is that?" she growled  
as she looked at him for a moment. His  
photo made him look much more clean cut  
than he looked at the moment.  
  
"Huh? Oh, that's just Squeal,"  
replied the boy.  
  
"Sclortch!"  
  
"Squeal?" muttered Misato dumbly.  
  
"Yeah, my cousin. I've been staying  
with my Uncle," said the boy with a  
small shrug. "That blowhard old fart.  
Still ain't as bad as my old man  
though."  
  
"Sclortch!"  
  
"Fine! What the hell is he doing  
here?" snapped Misato.  
  
"Riding in your car?" said Shinji  
after a moment of thought.  
  
"No you idiot! Why is he here!?" she  
growled angrily.  
  
"Sclor-"  
  
Misato reached back and snatched a  
canister from Squeal's hand.  
  
"Wrt?" muttered the boy through a  
mouthful of orange sludge.  
  
"Stop that!" she snapped angrily.  
She tossed the can of Cheez Whiz out the  
window irritably and glared at him.  
"What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
"Riding in your car?" replied the  
boy cheerfully.  
  
Misato growled and her eye twitched.  
  
"Why did you come?" asked Shinji.  
  
"What? And stay with my old man  
alone? Without you?" said Squeal with a  
surprised blink.  
  
"Oh yeah," agreed Shinji.  
  
"Something is up," grumbled Misato  
as she pulled over to the side of the  
road. She leaned out the window with a  
pair of binoculars in her grasp. Squeal  
and Shinji had their heads sticking out  
of the window underneath her arms on  
either side of her. Neither was paying  
any attention to what she was looking  
at. Their gazes were fixed on her chest.  
  
"These aren't as big in real life as  
they looked in that picture, still  
doable though," said Squeal.  
  
"Yeah, it is kinda disappointing  
though," agreed Shinji. "Seven out of  
ten."  
  
"Bud! Harsh! She's at least an  
eight!" said Squeal.  
  
Misato's lip twitched as she  
continued to peer through the lenses of  
the binoculars and conked the both of  
them on their heads with one swift  
motion of her right arm.  
  
"Ouch," muttered Shinji as he rubbed  
the spot where he had been struck.  
  
"You're right, she's a seven,":  
grumbled Squeal.  
  
Misato blinked as she noticed the  
aircraft pull away suddenly. "Oh shit!  
They're gonna use an N2 mine!"  
  
"Cool!" was the simultaneous reply.  
  
"Get down!" she cried as she forced  
them back into the vehicle.  
  
There was a flash of light in the  
distance, nothing happened for a moment,  
and then the shockwave hit. The car was  
literally tossed and rolled on its side  
for about twenty yards. It stopped on  
its side and the trio peered out the  
window again, with the shockwave blowing  
their hair back.  
  
"Awesome!" said the two boys as they  
stared at the scene in awe.  
  
"I think I ate a worm," said Squeal.  
  
"I definitely got some gravel,"  
muttered Shinji as he spit out a  
mouthful of dirt.  
  
"Stop complaining! Help me push!"  
snapped Misato.  
  
The boys looked at her and then back  
at each other. After a moment, they  
burst into laughter.  
  
"Dude! Your ride is totaled!" cried  
Squeal as he pointed at the car.  
  
Misato growled angrily.  
  
+++++++++++++++++  
  
Shinji and Squeal looked slightly  
beaten and had several lumps on their  
heads as they put their backs against  
the car.  
  
"Ouch," muttered Squeal.  
  
"I say she's a six now," grumbled  
Shinji.  
  
"Shut up and push!" snapped Misato  
as she tapped her foot on the ground.  
  
The boys grunted in effort as they  
dug their feet into the ground. Squeal  
and Shinji tried several different  
positions as they attempted to right the  
car. Squeal rammed it with his shoulder  
a few times before he fell to the ground  
clutching his arm, and Shinji tried  
pushing it with his hands, succeeding in  
digging two foot long trenches into the  
ground with the soles of his shoes, and  
little more.  
  
The pair backed away, both gasping  
for breath.  
  
"This is pathetic! What kind of boys  
are you?" said Misato dumbly.  
  
The trio looked at the car as it  
groaned and started to tilt.  
  
"No!" cried Misato.  
  
It promptly fell over, landing on  
the roof of the vehicle rather than the  
wheels.  
  
"Guess we ain't takin that car  
anywhere," muttered Squeal as he looked  
at it for a moment.  
  
Misato was pulling at her hair in  
frustration.  
  
++++++++++++++++  
  
"Heh heh! Grand theft Auto!" said  
Squeal as he pat the seat he was sitting  
on.  
  
"Awesome! We're criminals!" agreed  
Shinji cheerfully.  
  
They had hot-wired a small car they  
had stumbled across about a mile after  
the unfortunate incident involving  
Misato's car. She was too caught up in  
her own self-pity to notice the pair's  
rantings. They were currently playing  
air guitar together. "My car!" she  
thought to herself. "This stinks! I just  
had that car repaired! Thirty-three more  
payments to go! And look! My favorite  
dress! It's ruined! Ruined! And I looked  
so good in it!"  
  
"Hey, Misato,  
Misato...MisatoMisatoMisatoMisato..."  
  
"What?!" snapped the woman as she  
turned her head to glare at Shinji.  
  
"Misato, we want to know who gets to  
be your bitch in prison after we get  
arrested for this?" said Squeal  
cheerfully.  
  
"That's Miss Katsuragi to you!" she  
snapped.  
  
"Lucky bastard," grumbled Shinji as  
he frowned at Squeal.  
  
"Heh. It must be my animal magnets!"  
He pulled out a chicken and cow set of  
refrigerator magnets from his pocket and  
stuck his tongue out at Shinji.  
  
"AAAARRRRRGGGG!" screamed Misato in  
frustration.  
  
++++++++++++++++++  
  
"Nerv?" said Shinji as he looked at  
the doorway to the vehicle transport  
rail they had just entered.  
  
"Yeah," said the woman with a  
slightly frustrated sigh.  
  
"This is where Pop works?" said  
Shinji.  
  
"Doesn't make sense, Uncle Gendo  
used to tell us we got on his nerves all  
the time. Why would he want you here? It  
sounded like something he didn't like,"  
said Squeal with a thoughtful frown.  
  
"Maybe it's one of those 'wait till  
you're older' things?" offered Shinji.  
  
"Don't you know what your father  
does?" asked Misato.  
  
"No," replied the boy with a small  
shrug.  
  
"Didn't your family tell you? Or  
your teachers?"  
  
"Teachers?" asked Squeal.  
  
"From school you dope!" snapped  
Misato.  
  
"There's teachers at school?" asked  
Shinji as he stared at her.  
  
She simply glared at him. "That  
explains a lot."  
  
"Um, sure..." muttered Shinji with  
an uncertain frown as he scratched his  
head.  
  
There was a sudden light and the  
pair looked out the window. "Dude! We're  
outside!" said Squeal.  
  
"Man, we went underground though!"  
agreed Shinji.  
  
"I had no idea that the other side  
of the world was so...close," muttered  
Squeal as he stared at the trees below  
him. "Oh! Prime location!"  
  
Shinji blinked and stared out at  
what his friend was pointing at. "Dude!  
Excellent!"  
  
All Misato saw was a well-lit patch  
of ground surrounded by shrubs with a  
small stream flowing nearby. "What?"  
  
"Tell me you at least brought the ID  
we sent you with you," grumbled Misato.  
  
"Huh? ID?" asked Shinji.  
  
"Maybe she means that plastic thing  
that came in the mail?" asked Squeal as  
he poked his cousin in the back.  
  
"Oh yeah!" Shinji pulled out a ratty  
looking piece of paper with a small card  
clipped to it.  
  
Misato blinked in surprise. It was  
more than she was expecting from him at  
this point. She sighed and handed him a  
folder. "Here, start reading this."  
  
The front page had the words "Top  
Secret!" and "Welcome to Nerv" written  
on it. Shinji shrugged and took it from  
her. "Okay." He opened it up and  
blinked. "Too many words."  
  
"Dude! No pictures or anything?"  
muttered Squeal as he peered over his  
cousin's shoulder.  
  
Misato honked the horn of her car  
with her forehead repeatedly.  
  
Shinji and Squeal looked at each  
other and grinned before head banging in  
time with her.  
  
+++++++++++++++  
  
Misato growled in frustration as she  
glared at the idiots standing next to  
her. Shinji was grinning like an idiot  
with Squeal giggling silently.  
  
"Dude, we're totally lost!" said  
Squeal.  
  
"Yeah. Excellent!" agreed Shinji.  
  
"We aren't lost!" snapped Misato.  
  
"Dude, I get the feeling we've been  
here before," said Squeal as he glanced  
round.  
  
"We haven't!" snapped Misato.  
  
"Really?" said Squeal in genuine  
surprise. "Whoa! No way!"  
  
"What's up?" asked Shinji.  
  
Misato growled, but turned her head  
to see what he was talking about.  
  
"That means there's another guy  
named Squeal, who wrote his name on the  
wall just like I did!" cried the boy as  
he pointed out a messily scrawled  
"Squeal waz here!" in black marker on  
one of the walls.  
  
"No way!" gasped Shinji in what  
appeared to be genuine awe.  
  
Misato felt the vein in her forehead  
pulsing.. She wasn't sure what she was  
angrier about, the fact that they  
probably believed what they were saying,  
that the idiot boy would dare deface  
Nerv property, or that he was right  
about her being lost.  
  
After a few more minutes of  
wandering, the group finally made it to  
an elevator. The doors opened and a  
blonde woman with short cut hair walked  
in and scowled at them. "Are you lost  
again Captain?"  
  
Misato jumped into Ritsuko Akagi's  
arms and almost kissed her. "Thank god!  
I've found you Ritsuko!!"  
  
The woman blinked and blushed  
heavily. "What?"  
  
Shinji and Squeal blinked and looked  
at her for a moment. They had their  
hands stuck under their armpits and were  
frozen in the act of making farting  
sounds.  
  
"Hey! Another babe!" said Squeal.  
  
"I get to be her prison bitch!" said  
Shinji.  
  
"I guess that's fair. I wonder when  
the cops will show up and arrest us?"  
asked Squeal cheerfully.  
  
"Arrest you?" muttered Ritsuko in  
confusion.  
  
"Uh. It's nothing," muttered Misato  
nervously as she stepped back.  
  
"For what?" snapped Ritsuko as she  
scowled at the woman.  
  
"Grand Theft Auto," replied Squeal.  
  
"What? We don't have time for this!  
Come with me!" snapped Ritsuko  
irritably.  
  
Squeal and Shinji shrugged and  
walked after the new babe.  
  
"Is every chick here this bitchy?"  
asked Shinji.  
  
"I dunno, we've been here the same  
amount of time," replied Squeal.  
  
"Oh! Oh yeah!" said Shinji as he  
seemed to just remember that. "Where are  
we again?"  
  
"I dunno," said Squeal with a shrug.  
  
  
Ritsuko blinked and looked at  
Misato. "Are they serious?"  
  
"Probably," grumbled the woman with  
a frustrated frown.  
  
++++++++++++++++++  
  
A moment later, the group was riding  
an elevator that passed by a gigantic  
glass wall that towered into the air  
above them. It appeared to be some sort  
of tank, and was holding in a sea of  
some sort of semi translucent liquid.  
  
Neither of the boy's noticed or  
cared. Ritsuko was talking about the  
probability of activating something,  
while Squeal and Shinji spit off the  
edge of the moving platform, aiming at  
the workers scurrying around the room  
far below them.  
  
"Ha! Got one!" said Shinji  
cheerfully.  
  
"Cool, the guy's going all spastic,"  
said Squeal cheerfully.  
  
"So it doesn't work?" asked Misato.  
  
"Don't be so foolish. We call it the  
O-nine system, as in Oni, a Japanese  
devil."  
  
"Devils are pretty cool," commented  
Squeal.  
  
Both women glared at him and he  
blinked. "What? Do I got a loogie on my  
chin?" He wiped his face with his shirt  
and they turned away to ignore him.  
  
"What is he doing here?" grumbled  
Ritsuko. "You were only supposed to  
bring the third child."  
  
"He wouldn't come unless I brought  
him," grumbled Misato. "We didn't have  
time to argue about it at the time."  
  
"We'll deal with it later," grumbled  
Ritsuko. She turned to look at Squeal  
and frowned. "He shouldn't be here, he's  
not cleared. Commander Ikari is going to  
be very upset."  
  
"I didn't have a choice," grumbled  
Misato.  
  
They stepped off the platform and  
walked through a large automatic door.  
It shut behind them and they were in  
total darkness.  
  
"Dude! They took us into a dark and  
out of the way place!" said Squeal in  
shock.  
  
"You mean...?" said Shinji dumbly.  
  
"Yeah. They're going to rape us!"  
  
"Awesome!"  
  
The lights came on and the boy's  
were standing in their boxer shorts in  
the middle of the room. Misato and  
Ritsuko were both twitching in disgusted  
shock.  
  
"Dude! Turn out the lights! It's  
ruining the moment!" said Squeal as he  
puckered his lips. "I'm ready! Take me  
gently!" He stuck his tongue out and  
closed his eyes while reaching forward  
with his hands in a rather disgusting  
looking mock kiss.  
  
Shinji was making rather vulgar  
looking thrusts with his pelvis, and was  
swatting at an imaginary ass in front of  
his crotch. "Dude, we're gonna score!"  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?"  
cried Misato as she backed away.  
  
Squeal seemed to notice something.  
"Hey, what's that thing?"  
  
Shinji blinked and turned his head  
in the same direction. "A giant face?"  
  
Ritsuko seemed to calm down visibly  
as the two boys stared at the thing for  
a moment. "This is humanity's last hope,  
the synthetic live form known as  
Evangelion."  
  
"Cool, giant robots. So, where's the  
weenie guys in spandex?" asked Squeal as  
he glanced round the room. "Course, they  
also gotta have the token babe."  
  
"Excellent!" said Shinji as he  
turned towards his friend.  
  
Both women noticed that he was still  
quite aroused.  
  
"Put your clothes on!" snapped  
Misato as she covered her face in  
revulsion.  
  
Shinji and Squeal looked at each  
other for a moment, and then turned back  
towards her. "Why?" they asked in  
unison.  
  
"Just do it!" snapped Ritsuko.  
  
The pair reluctantly started  
dressing themselves.  
  
"So...this is like...my old man's  
thing?" said Shinji as he peered at it.  
"Always knew he was a little weird."  
  
"Correct!" said a firm voice from  
above them.  
  
Shinji blinked and turned his gaze  
towards the sound. Gendo Ikari was  
standing behind a window in an  
observation room above them. "Hey. It's  
the old man! How's it goin Pop?" he said  
cheerfully as he waved to his father.  
  
Gendo let out a small tsk of disgust  
at the display. "It's been a while."  
  
"It has?" muttered Shinji as he  
thought about it really hard. "Oh yeah."  
  
"Hey Uncle Gendo!" said Squeal as he  
waved his arm at the man and grinned.  
  
Gendo ignored him. "We're moving  
out."  
  
"What?" gasped Misato. "Unit Zero is  
still in cryostasis! Wait a minute!  
You're gonna use Unit One?" She seemed  
to realize this all at once.  
  
"There's no other choice," said  
Ritsuko.  
  
"Now wait! Rei can't do it yet can  
she? We don't have a pilot!" cried  
Misato. She was praying very hard that  
her suspicions weren't true.  
  
"We just received one," replied  
Ritsuko.  
  
Misato almost passed out. "You can't  
mean that! Look at him!"  
  
Ritsuko ignored her outburst and  
turned towards the boy. "Shinji Ikari,  
You will pilot it."  
  
"Huh?" said the boy dumbly.  
  
"Ha! You're a spandex weenie!"  
guffawed Squeal.  
  
"Pilot what?" said Shinji as he  
looked up at the woman dumbly.  
  
"Weren't you paying attention at  
all?!" cried Misato angrily.  
  
"Umm..." The boy thought about it  
for a long moment. "No?" He really hoped  
it was the right answer.  
  
Everyone looked at him in a sort of  
horrified shock. Well, Squeal was too  
busy trying to remember what they were  
talking about.  
  
"You're going to pilot Unit One,"  
said Ritsuko firmly.  
  
"You mean that thing?" said Shinji  
as a half hidden understanding seemed to  
cross over his face. He looked at the  
giant head for a moment.  
  
"Yes!" snapped Misato.  
  
"But...I can't even drive," replied  
the boy with a sort of shocked awe on  
his face.  
  
"You will be instructed," replied  
Ritsuko.  
  
"Awesome," muttered the boy as he  
stared at the giant head.  
  
"Even Rei Ayanami took seven months  
to synchronize with her Eva! It's  
impossible for him to do it! He's too  
stupid!"  
  
Ritsuko frowned at her. "We just  
want him to sit in the pilot's seat. We  
don't expect more than that from him."  
  
Misato growled irritably.  
  
Shinji was wandering back and fourth  
in front of the thing with a grin on his  
face. "Hey! Where's the door? I wanna  
try it out!"  
  
There was an explosion outside and  
everyone staggered for a moment.  
  
"It's getting close. It must be able  
to sense us," commented Gendo.  
  
"Huh?" said Shinji in genuine  
confusion.  
  
Squeal shrugged as he looked at him  
for a moment and blinked. "Got me. I  
dunno what the hell these people are  
talkin about."  
  
"We'd best get started," grumbled  
Ritsuko.  
  
+++++++++++++++++  
  
"Signal flow terminator, now being  
injected," said Maya as she looked at  
the readout screen in front of her.  
"Entry plug, now being inserted." Misato  
and Ritsuko were standing behind her in  
the control room, watching the events  
unfold.  
  
As this was going on, a long tube-  
like object was being plugged into the  
Eva's back. It screwed into place and  
the back closed up.  
  
Inside the machine, Shinji was  
sitting at the controls cheerfully. He  
was jerking on what seemed to be the  
control handles impatiently. "This is so  
awesome!" He was almost giddy with  
excitement.  
  
"Filling the entry plug," said a  
feminine voice from one of the interior  
speakers.  
  
"Huh?" muttered Shinji as he watched  
a liquid begin to fill up the space he  
was sitting in. "Hey!"  
  
"Are we there yet?" asked Squeal as  
he poked his head from behind the seat.  
  
"Shhhh!" snapped Shinji as he shoved  
him back behind him. The liquid went  
over his head and he blinked. He  
couldn't remember if he could breathe  
underwater or not. "Um..." Bubbles  
escaped his mouth as he spoke. He  
remembered that he couldn't.  
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"  
  
"Shinji, relax. Once the LCL  
saturates your lungs, your blood will be  
oxygenated directly. You'll get used to  
it," said Ritsuko's voice.  
  
"Huh? This stuff tastes like bong  
water," he muttered with a thoughtful  
frown. "Excellent." He shook his head in  
a positive manner as he sucked up the  
liquid from around him greedily.  
  
"Shinji, stop breathing so hard. We  
can't get a good reading," said Ritsuko  
irritably.  
  
"Huh? Dang," grumbled the boy as he  
sighed and calmed down a bit.  
  
There was a lot of commotion  
outside. Shinji blinked and glanced  
around. "Wild."  
  
"Connecting Main Power! All circuits  
transmitting!" said a male voice  
outside.  
  
"Connecting secondary contacts,"  
said a feminine voice.  
  
Shinji heard a bit more tecnobabble  
that made no sense to him and watched  
all the pretty colors that shined around  
him as the innards of the thing came to  
life. "Whoah!"  
  
"Dude! We gotta get one of these!"  
whispered Squeal.  
  
"Yeah!" agreed Shinji.  
  
+++++++++++++++++  
  
Meanwhile, at the control center.  
  
"What's that flat line?" asked  
Misato.  
  
"It's his brainwave pattern," said  
Ritsuko in shock. "I think there's  
something wrong..."  
  
"All systems nominal, we're  
connected," said Maya in confusion.  
"That can't be, I'm barely getting  
enough for a reading!"  
  
"You mean...he's really this  
stupid?" said Ritsuko in horror.  
  
"The pattern is weak, but we've got  
enough to attempt a connection," said  
Maya nervously. "Should we proceed?"  
  
"We have no choice," growled  
Ritsuko.  
  
"There's something else in the  
system," said Maya as she glanced at the  
screen in front of her. "It isn't  
presenting any problems, but it seems to  
be effecting the pilot."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Trace chemicals of some kind, still  
active in the bloodstream." Maya blinked  
in absolute disbelief. "He's stoned  
Ma'am."  
  
"Pardon?" said Ritsuko as she looked  
up at the dumbly grinning figure on the  
screen in front of her. Shinji looked  
dazed and had an awkward smile on his  
face.  
  
"Shinji! Are you stoned?" gasped  
Misato angrily.  
  
"Like Mick Jagger," he replied  
cheerfully. "Ain't it awesome?"  
  
"Use the nanomachines to block it  
out!" snapped Ritsuko.  
  
"That isn't a good idea," said Maya.  
  
"What?" said Ritsuko. Suddenly she  
realized it. His brain was stimulated at  
the moment. The activity they were able  
to read now was probably caused by it.  
"If we..."  
  
"We might not be able to read him at  
all," said Maya with a small nod. "I  
don't believe this."  
  
Misato was completely silent, and  
merely stared forward in horror.  
Suddenly, she blinked. "Where's Squeal?"  
  
"Huh?" said Ritsuko.  
  
"Dude! We're giant robot pilots!"  
said Squeal as he poked his head out  
from behind Shinji's back. He was behind  
the seat and was trying to light a  
joint. His lighter didn't work in the  
LCL though and he glanced at it. "Dang,  
out a juice! This bites!"  
  
"Bogus!" cried Shinji in horror.  
"Hey! Do any of you have a lighter?" he  
cried into the screen in front of them.  
  
Misato blinked dumbly, and before  
she realized what she was doing, she had  
pulled one out of her jacket.  
  
Shinji and Squeal were now pressed  
up against the screen, trying to reach  
for it.  
  
"Dude! A window!" cried Squeal.  
  
"Let's break it!" said Shinji  
angrily. The pair started to beat on the  
wall inside the Eva.  
  
"How the hell did he get in there?!  
Get him out! Now!" snapped Ritsuko.  
  
"Ummm..." said Maya quietly.  
  
"Don't tell me, please don't tell  
me," she muttered as she turned her  
glare towards the woman. Maya was  
blushing badly and looked down at the  
floor. "The reading we've been  
getting...It's from the both of them. If  
we take one of them out..."  
  
"It won't work," said Misato with a  
heavy sigh.  
  
"The sync ratio is within forty  
percent, with the two of them, it should  
work," said Maya nervously.  
  
Ritsuko looked like one of the veins  
in her forehead was about to burst.  
  
Misato sighed. "I guess we should  
begin."  
  
The hanger bustled with activity as  
the Eva was released from its restraints  
and maneuvered up to the launch pad on  
the wall. Shinji and Squeal were singing  
'She's my cherry pie!" together quite  
badly inside the unit and ignoring the  
goings on outside.  
  
Finally, everything was ready and  
Misato turned towards Gendo. The man was  
sitting in the back of the control room  
with his hands folded in front of his  
face. He had been silent up till that  
point and merely frowned.  
  
"Can we do this?" muttered Misato.  
"Is this really our only hope?"  
  
Gendo snorted at the scene. "Most  
unexpected. In any case, we should  
proceed. If this fails, then humanity  
has no hope."  
  
Misato nodded, a look of firm  
conviction on her face. "Evangelion,  
Unit One! Launch!"  
  
Shinji and Squeal slammed back into  
their seats, screaming bloody murder as  
they were forced down by the intense  
gravity of the launch. Their entire  
world vibrated madly for almost a full  
minute. Finally, they slammed to a stop.  
  
"Dude, this water stuff tastes  
different," commented Squeal.  
  
"Misato, I think we need to change  
this water out. It's all dirty now,"  
said Shinji.  
  
"Dude! Sick!" cried Squeal in  
horror.  
  
The pair burst into laughter.  
  
"That was awesome!"  
  
A gigantic figure lumbered around  
the corner and paused as it noticed the  
thing in front of it. It was easily as  
tall as one of the buildings and seemed  
to consider the Eva for a moment.  
  
Shinji blinked. "What the hell is  
that thing?"  
  
"I dunno," replied Squeal. "Looks  
pretty awesome though."  
  
"Yeah," agreed Shinji cheerfully.  
  
"Now what?" asked Squeal.  
  
"I dunno, I think we're supposed to  
just sit here or something," replied  
Shinji. "That's what the chick said  
anyway."  
  
"You're supposed to fight it," said  
Ritsuko angrily as her face appeared on  
the screen in front of them.  
  
The pair blinked and turned to face  
one another. "No way!"  
  
++++++++++++++++++++  
  
TBC...  
  
Heh. ^_^; 


	2. Geo-Dome 2

Geo-Dome  
  
Part 2  
  
Unfamiliar Ceiling  
  
++++++++++++++++  
  
"Are you ready?" asked Misato as she stared at the screen.  
  
Both boys looked at the screen in front of them dumbly.  
  
"What do you mean 'fight it'?" asked Shinji dumbly.  
  
"Um, I have a problem with this," said squeal fearfully.  
  
"Evangelion! Final safety lock release!" said Misato as she  
ignored them.  
  
The Unit slumped down slightly as the final release was gone and  
left them standing under their own power. Ritsuko's voice entered the  
cockpit. "Just concentrate on walking for now."  
  
"How do we do that?" asked Squeal nervously as he eyed the still  
silent Angel in front of them.  
  
"Picture the concept of walking in your mind. The Eva will do the  
rest," said Ritsuko firmly.  
  
The Eva stood silent for a moment unmoving. Finally it raised its  
hand up to its face.  
  
"What's he doing?" muttered Misato in confusion.  
  
The Eva unit held its hand in front of its face as if it was  
holding something. The other arm rose upward slowly and positioned its  
other hand just above its eye level. It opened its mouth slightly and  
moved it's top hand in small circular motions around the top of its  
other hand. The Eva then appeared to take a deep breath and hold it.  
  
The angel's face turned sideways and it appeared to be slightly  
confused by this action.  
  
"You idiots! That's not what you're supposed to be thinking  
about!" snapped Misato as she realized that the Eva was acting as if  
it was taking a hit off of a pipe.  
  
"Sorry," said Shinji sheepishly.  
  
Squeal just grinned. "That was awesome."  
  
The Eva lurched forward and paused as it took its first step. As  
it slowly lumbered forward it made a growling noise and scratched its  
crotch for a moment as it continued towards the Angel.  
  
"He's...um...walking," said Maya dumbly.  
  
The Eva moved up to the angel and gave it what appeared to be a  
bleary eyed stare. Its posture was horrible and it slumped down and  
looked at the thing dumbly. The angel took a step back and blinked,  
further confused by the unusual action. The Eve moved its fingers up  
in a peace sign and seemed to nod its head slowly.  
  
"Whazzup?" said Shinji and Squeal in unison as they greeted the  
monster.  
  
The angel seemed to snap out of its confusion and grabbed the Eva  
on the face. It lifted it up off the ground and it's arms swelled up  
suddenly. Grabbing the Eva's arm it twisted it violently.  
  
Shinji and Squeal were screaming like girls in pain.  
  
"Ow! Stop it! Cut it out! Waaaaaahhh! Dude! This sucks!" cried  
Squeal.  
  
"Aaaaaah! Oooooh! Make it stop! Make it stop! I'm too young to  
die! I'm still a virgin!" cried Shinji.  
  
"Me tooooo!" agreed his friend as the pair hugged each other in  
pain and terror. Their left arms were jerking around almost violently  
behind them.  
  
"Calm down! That's not your real arm!" pleaded Misato.  
  
"Where are his defense systems?" cried Ritsuko.  
  
"The system's not responding!" said Maya desperately.  
  
"His field's not up! It's not unfolding!" cried one of the male  
technicians.  
  
"It's not up?!" said Ritsuko.  
  
The angel crushed the Eva's arm, breaking it cleanly.  
  
"Left arm damaged!" said Maya.  
  
"The circuits have snapped!"  
  
Shinji and Squeal were whimpering inside the cockpit as the thing  
lifted them higher into the air. The protrusion on the angel's arm,  
just behind the elbow moved back suddenly. It slammed forward through  
a hole in it's claws and slammed into the Eva's face.  
  
"Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! My eye!" cried Squeal.  
  
"Dude!" agreed Shinji painfully.  
  
After a few moments, the armor around the face shattered and the  
beam slammed through the Eva's head. Unit one was thrown back into one  
of the buildings, impaled by its head by the beam of light that shot  
from the angel's claw.  
  
"No!" cried Misato as a fluid burst from the front and back of the  
head as it was released by the angel.  
  
++++++++++++++++  
  
Shinji's eyes flew open and he gasped. He was in a sterile white  
room. A fluorescent light above him was on, but the window on one wall  
overpowered the sickly bulb. "Whoa." He sat up and glanced around. On  
the opposite wall was another bed. Squeal was just waking up as well  
and the pair looked at one another.  
  
"Dude, I think someone fucked with our shit," said Squeal as he  
held his head for a moment.  
  
"Yeah, that was a freaky dream," agreed Shinji as he stared at the  
boy blankly.  
  
"Dude, did we get grounded again? All our stuff is gone," said  
Squeal as he glanced around. The walls were bare and the room was  
basically empty.  
  
"I dunno, we must have really pissed the old dude off now. Even  
the babe posters are gone!" said Shinji fearfully.  
  
"Bummer!" cried Squeal. He blinked and looked out the window.  
After a long moment of thought he turned towards Shinji again. "Dude.  
I don't think this is our room."  
  
"Where the heck are we?" muttered Shinji dumbly.  
  
"I think...we're at the hospital," said Squeal dumbly.  
  
"Think we O.D.ed?" asked Shinji.  
  
"Maybe," said Squeal. "Can you O.D. on the purple sticky fuzz?"  
asked Squeal.  
  
"I guess so," said Shinji dumbly.  
  
The idiots looked at each other and grinned. "Excellent!" The  
laughed at each other for a moment and looked around.  
  
The pair jumped out of the sheets and looked around. They were  
wearing hospital robes with open backs. "Dude! I can see your ass!"  
said Squeal as he hid his face in disgust.  
  
"So?" said Shinji dumbly.  
  
"Oh. Right," said Squeal as he thought about it and shrugged.  
  
+++++++++++++++++  
  
Shinji stood alone in the hallway, he was looking out the window  
of the hospital and not saying anything. It was a beautiful day, birds  
were singing, the grass was green. Everything seemed serene.  
  
He cocked his head as he heard the rattling of a gurney being  
pushed down the hall. With a small blink he watched as a young girl  
was carted by. She stared at him for a moment and said nothing.  
  
Shinji grinned as she looked at him, she had short cut light blue  
hair and a pale complexion. She had a lot of bandages on her, covering  
one of her eyes, and an arm. There were probably more hidden by the  
sheets, but he couldn't see them. One word rang through the boy's  
limited mind. "Babe."  
  
He started walking along beside her with a dumb looking grin on  
his face as he followed after her. "Hi! My name is Shinji! How ya  
doin?"  
  
The girl continued to stare at him blankly.  
  
"That must have sucked. Bet it hurt too! I'll bet it means you're  
not doin anything later?" continued the boy obliviously. The nurse  
pushing the girl along turned to stare at him in disbelief.  
  
"Anyway. You're pretty hot for an injured chick. What's your  
name?" continued the boy obliviously.  
  
The nurse gave him a disgusted sounding snort and shoved him  
aside. The girl simply turned her head away from him and closed her  
eye.  
  
The boy stopped cold at this and blinked. "Brutal."  
  
The sound of a toilet flushing filled the hall and Squeal waltzed  
out of one of the doors. "Dude. I needed that." He paused when he  
noticed his friend staring down the hallway. "What's up?"  
  
"Just a babe," said Shinji as he grinned at his friend.  
  
"Really?" asked Squeal dumbly.  
  
"Yeah. So cold too. I think I'm in love!" said Shinji cheerfully.  
  
"Um...Okay. You wanna go try to find some bud?" asked Squeal. "I  
can't find our clothes dude. I think our shit is gone."  
  
"No way!" cried Shinji in horror.  
  
"I know," replied Squeal as he hung his head.  
  
++++++++++++++  
  
Misato sat in the vehicle that was carrying parts of Unit one  
behind it. She sighed with contentment and put her face near to one of  
the vents on the dash. "Ah. Air conditioning is the greatest! Man's  
triumph over nature!"  
  
Ritsuko was on a phone inside the vehicle. She hung it up and  
turned to look at Misato. "The idiots have finally woken up."  
  
Misato frowned slightly at this. "How are they doing?"  
  
"Well, their memory seems a bit muddled, but that's probably  
normal," said Ritsuko with a disgusted snort.  
  
"I hope they get brain damage," grumbled Misato.  
  
"It's probably too late for that, but I doubt if the Eva had  
anything to do with it," said Ritsuko with a heavy sigh.  
  
"What the hell are we gonna do now?" asked Misato. "We've got to  
find a replacement pilot or something fast."  
  
"I don't know if we have any other choice," said Ritsuko flatly.  
"These two morons may be our only hope."  
  
Misato's face fell. "We're doomed."  
  
++++++++++++++++  
  
Shinji and Squeal sat in one of the waiting rooms of the Hospital.  
Sat isn't really an accurate description. They were currently standing  
in front of a small crowd of bewildered patients and family members  
waiting for care. They were still in their hospital gowns and were  
singing rather loudly with rolled up newspapers in their grasps.  
  
"War! Huh! Good God ya'll!" sang Shinji.  
  
"What is it good for?!" sang Squeal.  
  
"Huh! Absolutely nothing!" the crooned together.  
  
At the nurse's station, one of the attendants was on the phone to  
security.  
  
++++++++++++++++++  
  
Misato watched as preparations and repair work on the city's  
defenses was taking place. She was standing outside the vehicle they  
had been riding in while Ritsuko remained inside with the window  
rolled down.  
  
"The poor fools. They don't realize they're all doomed! How can we  
operate Eva at full potential with those two morons?" said Misato with  
a heavy sigh.  
  
"All we can do is hope," said Ritsuko.  
  
"Yeah. I guess we aren't dead yet," agreed Misato as she cheered  
up a bit. "There is still hope after all."  
  
"Well, I should get back. I'll see you later," said Ritsuko as she  
started the engine of the giant truck.  
  
"Okay. See ya!" called Misato.  
  
++++++++++++++++++++  
  
"What the hell?" muttered Misato as she walked into a chaotic  
scene.  
  
"Please wait here! Two of the patients from the mental ward have  
escaped," said the nervous sounding nurse who was standing behind the  
door.  
  
"Oh god. It can't be..." muttered Misato.  
  
Shinji and Squeal were surrounded by security guards. They were  
wearing newspaper hats and were brandishing rolled up newspapers like  
knives at the men.  
  
"Back! Back I say!" cried Shinji as he swat one of the men on the  
hand as he was almost grabbed.  
  
Squeal pointed his magazine at one of the men. "I know how to use  
this! Stay back or the stoner gets it!" He promptly grabbed Shinji  
around his neck and held the magazine to his temple.  
  
"Dude?!" cried Shinji fearfully.  
  
"Get those idiots!" snapped one of the men as they all dog piled  
on the pair.  
  
Misato watched in silent horror. She tried to turn away, hoping to  
not be associated with the pair.  
  
The elevator doors opened and Gendo Ikari, Shinji's father loomed  
over her. "Errr...Hi."  
  
"Are you going somewhere Captain?" he asked her calmly.  
  
"Err. No. I just came to pick up Shinji, like you asked..."  
  
From under the pile, Shinji's head popped out and he blinked at  
the sight of his father. "Hey! It's the old man! How's it goin Pops?"  
He managed to free his arm from the mass of bodies trying to subdue  
him and waved.  
  
Gendo said nothing as the doors closed on him again. Misato heard  
him growl, and could almost swear that she saw him blush for the  
briefest of moments.  
  
"Dude! It's the babe!" said Squeal as he managed to free his own  
head. "Hey! Misato! Misato! Misato! Mi...Gack!" One of the security  
guards put him into a headlock and silenced him.  
  
"You cowards! I'll bite your legs off!" cried Shinji as he found  
his arms and legs held behind himself forcibly. He was chewing on one  
of the security guard's knee guards as he was pushed to the floor.  
  
"Oh god," muttered Misato as she realized that she had to go get  
them.  
  
+++++++++++++++++++  
  
"What?" said Misato in horror.  
  
The pair of idiots standing behind her blinked at each other. They  
were dressed in their normal clothes again and had a few small bruises  
visible on their arms and legs from the hospital. "Huh?"  
  
"Commander Ikari's orders. You are to take them with you. You're  
to be assigned as their guardian."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" screamed Misato as she fell to her knees.  
  
"Dude...we get to live with a babe?" said Squeal quietly.  
  
"Oh-ho-ho! Excellent!" said Shinji in awe. The pair gave each  
other a rather complicated high five and handshake.  
  
"They were deemed unfit to live alone," said the man calmly as he  
looked at the horrified Misato.  
  
"He's the commander's son! Let him deal with it!" cried Misato  
angrily.  
  
"You have your orders Captain," said the man with a finality to  
his voice.  
  
"My life is over!" wailed Misato.  
  
Shinji and Squeal were grinning at her.  
  
"We're gonna have to give Shinji some sheets for the couch. How  
bit will our room be?" asked Squeal as he wiggled his eyebrow at her.  
  
"Dude! Harsh!" said Shinji.  
  
"I...I can't kill them!" cried Misato sadly.  
  
+++++++++++++++++++  
  
Ritsuko held the phone away from her ear as a various stream of  
obscenities floated around her office. After a moment, Misato paused  
to catch her breath on the other end. "I'm sorry Misato! I really  
tried, I just..." She had to stop and pull the phone away from her ear  
again for a minute or two. "There wasn't anything I could do! They  
can't live alone! They're too stupid! They'd never show up when they  
were supposed to! You know that!" She quickly hung up the phone before  
the next stream of angry cursing could start. With a heavy sigh, she  
rolled back her head and sat back in her chair.  
  
+++++++++++++++  
  
"Grrrrrrr..." growled Misato as she glared into the dead receiver.  
  
Shinji and Squeal were standing behind her with their mouths open.  
  
"I think she's upset about something," said Shinji.  
  
"Yeah," agreed Squeal. "Maybe she's mad about her car still?"  
  
"I dunno. It's a good thing we're around to cheer her up," said  
Shinji.  
  
"Yeah," agreed Squeal.  
  
Misato's eye was twitching and she slowly turned to face them.  
"Okay. Now we'll just go home, so I can get some sleep."  
  
"I can help with that," said Squeal happily.  
  
+++++++++++++++++  
  
"Turn on some tunes!" said Squeal as he reached for the radio  
inside Misato's car. It had been recovered, and was working again. It  
was banged up pretty badly though. The roof was a little shorter and  
all the glass was cracked pretty badly. None of it was broken though.  
  
Misato's hand shot out like a snake and slapped the boy on his  
wrist. "Don't touch!"  
  
"Whoa!" muttered Squeal fearfully. "Tame me my tigress!" He  
puckered up his lips and closed his eyes.  
  
Misato backhanded him in the face and sent him into the back seat  
again.  
  
Shinji snickered at this and turned to look out the window. "Stop the  
car!" he cried suddenly.  
  
The boy's face had gone completely serious and he had a hard frown  
on his lips. His tone had changed so suddenly that Misato didn't  
question and slammed onto the brakes. "What the? What is it? Another  
angel already!?" she cried nervously.  
  
Shinji had jumped from the car and was dashing across the street.  
Misato blinked in confusion as he vanished into an alley.  
  
"Where's he goin?" muttered Squeal dumbly.  
  
"I don't know," said Misato.  
  
The boy emerged a moment later with a wide grin on his face. He  
strolled up to the car and got back in with a smirk on his face.  
  
"What the hell was that about?" said Misato in confusion.  
  
Shinji grinned. "Welcome home party! Doobie snacks for later!" He  
pulled a bag out of his pocket and let it unroll in front of her face.  
  
Misato's eyes about bugged out of her head in shock. "What the  
hell?!"  
  
"Excellent!" cried Squeal in triumph.  
  
"Give me that!" snapped Misato as she reached for the bag.  
  
Shinji pulled it away and stuffed it into his pocket. "Don't  
worry! I share the wealth!" he said cheerfully.  
  
Misato grabbed him around his neck and started choking him.  
  
"Maybe you should give her one now?" said Squeal.  
  
Shinji was starting to turn blue. He reached into his pocket and  
pulled out one of the pre-rolled joints. "Here! Take it!" he managed  
though his strangling.  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++  
  
A moment later she was standing in a small store with a basket of  
instant food in her arm. Her hair was a mess and she glowered at  
anyone who neared her. Shinji and Squeal appeared to be quite content  
as they moved along behind her with armloads of food.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?" she said as she walked up to the  
counter and set her basket down. The boy's peered at her over their  
armloads of chips, dried meats, pocky, and sodas.  
  
"Munchies," replied the pair in unison.  
  
"Gotta be ready," agreed Shinji.  
  
"I'm not buying all that! Put it back!" snapped Misato angrily.  
  
"It's okay, we got it covered!" said Shinji.  
  
Squeal nodded and pulled out a rather fat looking fold of bills  
from his pocket.  
  
"You know, I'm not even going to ask," said Misato flatly as she  
turned to pay for her food.  
  
"Maybe it's that time of the month?" asked Squeal.  
  
"Yeah, the one we keep getting slapped about whenever we ask  
chicks?" said Shinji.  
  
"I think so. She'll feel better after she gets some cannabis into  
her system," said Squeal with a grin forming on his face.  
  
"Rockin!" said Shinji as he put his fist up.  
  
Squeal touched it with his own fist and the pair dumped their  
armloads of food on the counter.  
  
++++++++++++++++++  
  
Misato walked into her house and frowned as the pair strolled in  
behind her as if they owned the place.  
  
"Hey, not bad. Kinda looks like my room," said Squeal as he  
noticed the mess.  
  
"Yeah, it's like home again," agreed Shinji.  
  
"We need to get some babe posters," commented Squeal as he glanced  
around. He paused in front of a large poster of a fit looking man in a  
Speedo. "Dude. This has got to go."  
  
"Gah! Gross!" agreed Shinji.  
  
Misato simply stood there twitching. She shoved her bags into  
their arms and turned away. "Put that into the fridge."  
  
The pair looked at each other and shrugged. They walked into the  
kitchen and pulled out the sliding racks that made up the  
refrigerator.  
  
"Ice," said Shinji as he opened the first one.  
  
"Cool. Munchies," said Squeal as he opened the next one.  
  
The pair pulled the next one out and froze.  
  
A light seemed to shine on the pair, seemingly almost to bright to  
look at. They simply stared in awe and the bags of groceries in their  
hands fell to the floor. Misato cocked her head in the next room in  
confusion, she could swear she heard 'The Messiah' playing somewhere  
for a moment. The two boys simply stared in awe at the rows and rows  
of beer that stared them in their face in all its glory.  
  
"Awesome!" said Shinji as his eyes teared up.  
  
"Dude! We're in heaven!" muttered Squeal as he fell to his knees.  
  
+++++++++++++++++  
  
Misato walked out of her room. She was wearing her ugliest and  
baggiest set of sweat clothes. She frowned at the pair that sat at her  
table with beer in their hands and a pipe lit up between them. "I knew  
it."  
  
"Come on Misato! Join the party!" cried Shinji. He was already  
wasted.  
  
Squeal wasn't in much better condition and he leered at her for a  
moment. "That makes you look so damn sexy baby!"  
  
Misato stalked forward and snatched the pipe from Shinji's hand.  
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"  
  
"Tokin?" said the boy with a lazy grin.  
  
Misato shook with anger, rage boiled up inside her at the pure  
audacity of the pair. They took her beer, they were smoking in her  
house, and worst of all they were staring at her breasts without even  
bothering to hide their intent. It was obvious enough, they both had  
their legs spread out in a relaxed pose as they sat there. She  
growled for a moment and finally, gave up and sighed. She shoved the  
pipe back into Shinji's hand and walked into the kitchen.  
  
"I'm going to make dinner."  
  
"Cool," said Shinji lazily.  
  
++++++++++++++++++++  
  
"Bath?" said Squeal as he blinked at Misato dumbly.  
  
"Yes, both of you need one," said the woman as she glared at them.  
  
Shinji had found a few of her bras and panties hanging near the  
bathroom, and was currently wearing one of her bras on his head.  
Squeal's face was covered with a par of panties, with his eyes through  
the leg holes.  
  
Squeal lifted his arm and rubbed his nose around underneath his  
armpit for a moment. "I don't smell anything."  
  
"Heh. Dude you reek!" said Shinji cheerfully. He was playing with  
the bra strap. It was clipped together under his chin.  
  
Misato was beyond the point of caring by this time. She did make a  
mental note to burn the underwear when they were through with it.  
  
The duo grinned at one another and jumped up, racing to the  
bathroom. They were stripping off their clothes as they went, leaving  
a rather messy trail behind them. Of course they slammed into each  
other and fell into the bathroom at the same time. Neither one came  
out after a moment.  
  
Misato shrugged and tipped back her head as she emptied another  
can of beer out. It was going to be the first of many long nights, she  
could tell already.  
  
++++++++++++++++++  
  
Shinji and Squeal sat down in the bathroom. "Dude?" asked Shinji.  
  
"I'm not sure," said Squeal as he leveled a lazy stare at the  
animal that stood between them. It didn't seem particularly alarmed at  
the moment and had a tag on its neck with the name Pen-pen written on  
it.  
  
"I think it's a real penguin," said Squeal.  
  
"Naw. Why would there be a penguin here?" said Shinji as he turned  
towards his friend for a moment.  
  
"I dunno...you think it wants some?" said Squeal as he looked at  
the pipe that he still had gripped in his hand.  
  
"Heh. Let's let him," said Shinji.  
  
Pen-pen blinked and looked back and fourth at the pair for a  
moment. He cocked his head as Shinji crawled towards him and held the  
pipe out to him.  
  
The animal squawked quietly and waddled forward.  
  
"Now take a deep breath!" said Shinji as he lit the pipe and put  
the end of it into the animal's beak.  
  
Pen-pen did so, whether he understood what the boy was saying, or  
did it out of a surprised reaction would never be known.  
  
++++++++++++++++++  
  
Misato growled as she opened the door and glared down at the two  
nude boys. They were sprawled out across the floor of the bathroom  
with Pen-pen lying flat on his back. Both of them were giggling madly  
and the animal cocked his head to look at Misato for a moment. They  
were giggling irritably, and loud enough to have attracted her  
attention. She was almost afraid of what she might find inside.  
Fortunately, it wasn't as bad as she had thought it might be.  
  
Her eyes went wide as she glared at the animal in horror. "What  
have you done to him!? My poor Pen-pen!"  
  
"Dude! She sees the penguin too! Told ya it was real!" said Squeal  
quietly. He looked half-asleep.  
  
Misato blinked and looked at the boy in pure shock. Pen-pen  
waddled out of her grip and picked up the pipe and the lighter. Using  
his claws he put the pipe into his mouth and lit the bowl to take  
another hit.  
  
Shinji and Squeal fell into another fit of giggles at this.  
  
Misato glared at the animal and gasped. "Traitor!" She turned  
around and slammed the door behind her.  
  
After a few minutes, Shinji and Squeal both passed out cold where  
they were with Pen-pen. They had the same dream.  
  
+++++++++++++++++  
  
"Unit One has gone completely silent!" said one of the male  
technicians.  
  
"Misato!" cried Ritsuko.  
  
"We've got no choice! Abort the operation! We've got to rescue  
those idiots!" growled Misato. "Eject the entry plug!"  
  
"We can't! It's completely out of control!" said Maya.  
  
"What did you say!" said Misato in shock.  
  
The Eva reared back its head suddenly as it reactivated. Its jaw  
ripped open and it roared angrily.  
  
"Berzerker!" muttered Ritsuko in horror.  
  
Eva crouched onto the ground and jumped into the air, landing on  
top of the angel. Eva lifted up its hand and clenched its fist. In a  
surge of power the break was healed.  
  
"Left arm repaired!" cried Maya as she watched in awe.  
  
"Just like that?" said Ritsuko in shock.  
  
Eva struggled with the angel and it still remained on its feet. It  
put its hand up and made a peace sigh.  
  
Everyone in the control room blinked dumbly.  
  
"What the?"  
  
The angel screeched angrily and Eva promptly poked the thing in  
the eyes with its fingers.  
  
The angel staggered back and fell to the ground finally. Something  
seemed to snap within the Eva suddenly and it roared as it fell on its  
prey. Grabbing both of the angel's hands in one arm, it twisted and  
broke them both almost casually. The angel reacted by blasting the Eva  
in the chest with a huge beam of power.  
  
Eva was thrown back into one of the building. It rose to it's feet  
quickly and rushed forward, slamming into the angel at full force. It  
pushed it back through the city along the ground and into one of the  
buildings, sliding the structure across the ground for almost a  
quarter of a mile. Finally it stopped and began to pound on the  
Angel, literally tearing it apart and beating it with pieces of  
itself.  
  
Finally, the angel screeched and seemed to envelop the Eva. There  
was a bright flash of light and an explosion.  
  
Everyone in the control room looked on in awe as the thing stomped  
forward through the haze that settled in after the explosion. Eva  
stood silently and tall after things quieted down. The angel was gone,  
its suicide attack had failed. The Evangelion had won and Tokyo 3 was  
safe again.  
  
++++++++++++++++++++  
  
Shinji and Squeal were simply sitting in the cockpit, unsure of  
what had just happened to them.  
  
"Dude, that really sucked," said Squeal nervously.  
  
"Yeah, but it was kinda cool too," said Shinji dumbly.  
  
The pair turned as a sliding sound filled the cockpit. The metal  
armor helmet that covered the Eva's face slid off, revealing a fleshy  
plastic like substance beneath it. The hole where the angel had  
injured it could be seen easily.  
  
"Whoa," said Shinji dumbly.  
  
"Gross!" commented Squeal.  
  
The surface seemed to bubble up suddenly, growing almost liquid-  
like as it smoothed over suddenly. It split and seemed to open up into  
a green orb. The orb seemed to spin and turned into an eye as the iris  
stared at them.  
  
"Awesome!" said the pair as they simply looked on. Neither one of  
them had any idea what to think about that.  
  
Shinji and Squeal started to feel pretty light headed, and  
everything went dark.  
  
"Dude...what a buzzkill..." muttered Squeal sleepily as he passed  
out.  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
Misato stared at the bathroom door. She contemplated waking the  
idiots up and sending them into their bedroom, but decided that she'd  
had enough of their antics for the night. It wouldn't hurt them to  
sleep in there anyway.  
  
With a heavy sigh, she turned to her own room and went to bed.  
  
+++++++++++++++++  
  
TBC...  
  
AN: Squeal is not a SI character.  
  
He is the 'buddy' that characters like I've turned Shinji into  
have to have. Presumably because one idiot just isn't as funny on his  
own. Go figure. In any case, this is based off of movies like Bio-  
Dome, Bill and Ted, any of the scenes with Silent Bob and Jay, Dude  
Where's My Car, and the like.  
  
However, it takes no inspiration from Beavis and Butthead. Those  
two are completely different kinds of morons than these two.  
Okay...maybe not completely, but it's still different. 


End file.
